When Someone has an Eating Disorder, the Entire Family Reacts
Eating disorders don't just impact the person who has one; they affect the entire family unit. Here are some recommendations that will help you to approach a loved one with an eating disorder:
-
Set a time to talk - Set aside a time for a private, respectful meeting with your loved one to discuss your concerns openly and honestly in a caring, supportive way. Find a place away from distractions.
-
Communicate your concerns - Share your memories of specific times when you felt concerned about your friend or loved one's eating or exercise behaviours. Explain that you think these things may indicate that there could be a problem that needs professional help
-
Ask your loved one to explore these concerns - With a counsellor, doctor, nutritionist or other health professional who is knowledgeable about eating issues. If you feel comfortable doing so, offer to help your loved one make an appointment or accompany your friend on their first visit
-
Avoid conflicts or a battle of the wills with your loved one - If your friend refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem or any reason for you to be concerned, restate your feelings and the reasons for them and leave yourself open and available as a supportive listener
-
Avoid placing shame, blame or guilt on your friend regarding their actions or attitudes. Do not use accusatory 'you' statements like 'you just need to eat' or 'you are acting irresponsibly.' Instead use 'I' statements like 'I'm concerned about you because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch' or 'It makes me afraid to hear you vomiting.'
-
Avoid giving simple solutions - For example, 'If you'd just stop, then everything would be fine.'
-
Express your continued support - Remind your loved one that you care and want your friend to be happy and healthy
Eating Disorders - How I Support Carers
-
I will educate you about the eating disorder that is present, and explain how recovery programmes work
-
I will help you make sense of the behaviours you may be confronted with, and how best to deal with them
-
I will teach you new ways of communicating that will facilitate change in your relationships
-
I will give you a space to vent, dump and download the jumble of thoughts, feelings and emotions you may be feeling
-
I will give you a list of 'Do's & Don'ts' that will guide you through this difficult time
-
I will help you see the objective 'big picture', so that you will understand what is happening at certain times of the recovery programme
Support for Carers
Being a parent, sibling or friend of someone who has an Eating Disorder can be a very difficult, frustrating and emotional time. You may feel helpless as you watch the person you love and care for struggle with the symptoms of their eating disorder.
You may sometimes feel helpless, not knowing how best to help them. You may be worried that what you are saying or doing is making the situation worse. There may be a disagreement within the family of how to best help. Or perhaps you just need a space where you can let go of the stress of dealing with the situation, and the emotions that go with it.
I can help you and the person you care for. I will teach you tools and skills to help you better manage difficult situations. By understanding the eating disorder, and how it works inside someone, will empower you and allow you to offer the best support to your loved one.
